This is the start of a new era. I’m not saying I can throw all my packets of tablets into the Thames and never think of them again, no. Instead I hope to cut down slowly. I hope to be able to reach a time where I don’t need to reach for a pack of painkillers to get me through the day, or sleeping tablets to get me through the night. It’s been a long, long time since I haven’t taken any form of tablet daily. Since I was 17 I have swallowed magic pills that have been promised to make my life great, to make my personality calm down, to help me sleep, to help me cope, to help me full stop. Is it any wonder I fell into the dependency trap?
So far today I have taken 2 co-codamol (30/500 variety) for my backache and period pain. These are from the box I have left over from the prescription. I still have boxes of co-codamol (30/500), and tramadol (50mg) in my room from the prescription painkiller aspect. I know these are going to be one of the easier ones to quit as once the prescription has run out or there are no tablets left in the box then I just have to will myself into not going to my GP and trying to get some more out of her. I’m not even sure if I had bad period pain, bad enough to warrant painkillers, or if I was just using it as an excuse to allow myself to take some tablets. I feel very relaxed now though and more able to do things. I have a pile of work for uni that I need to do and I couldn’t concentrate before I took the tablets, but now I can.
Otherwise I haven’t taken anything. I’m still withdrawing from venlafaxine and the symptoms are horrible. Dizziness, vertigo, nausea, sweating, shaking, trembling; the unattractive list goes on and on. I know that these symptoms are easy to ease. All I need to do is take the prescription along to any pharmacy, pay £6.85, swallow the tablets and bang, they’ll have gone. Maybe I should go back onto antidepressants, I’m not sure if I can cope detoxing myself from the painkillers and OTC drugs without something to prop me up. Trouble is, the prescription also has zopiclone on it and if I get one thn I’ll get the other. I know that having 28 zopiclone will do nothing to help me sleep and calm down naturally, so I’ll go without both of them.
Plan for today is:
1. Not to take any other prescription painkillers.
2. If I am still in pain then to take plain ibuprofen or paracetamol.
3. Do uni work
4. To take the recommended dose of Nytol or Sominex to sleep tonight (i.e. one tablet) and not to drink alcohol to enhance the effects, or to take another tablet if I do not sleep or wake up in the middle of the night.
Ruth
