I can now be online. My lovely parents brought my laptop in about an hour ago and I am connecting via my mobile. ‘Twill cost a fair bit of money but I’m not spending it on a lot else at the moment.
They are thinking that I may not be BPD after all. I mentioned this to a friend earlier and he said that he had never assumed me to be BPD, bipolar yes, but not BPD. I have to admit I hate the BPD diagnosis, because of all the horrible images in conjures up, but I have for a long time thought that it was not wholly accurate. I have always thought I was more likely to be bipolar.
The only evidence for my being BPD are these diagnostic criteria (the one’s relating to me in bold):
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
- Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
- Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
- Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
- Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
- Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
So yes, I have more than 5 criteria so bingo, I have BPD. But then a lot of those criteria can be covered by depression, and bipolar, and bulimia, and having an addictive personality.
I don’t know anymore. I am having my surgery on Tuesday so am spending Tuesday night in a medical ward (plastic surgery) and then back to the psych ward. They are talking about me being in here for at least another week, though I hope to be out by Christmas.
Ruth
