When we get into situations where the pain is immediate we lose sight of the future. Once we lose the future we almost always decide the present is not worth living for. We look six months, two years and a decade into the future and we think there’s no way we could possibly survive the coming onslaught of Stuff and Shit. And, based on who we are today, we probably couldn’t. But everyday brings to us more wisdom and more knowledge which we can use to overcome whatever is thrown at us.

You can’t let this shit roll over you. People break up, that happens. People get cancer, the vast majority of whom do just fine. Funny enough it’s when “people do drugs” and “people don’t listen to their doctors” that people start to really fall apart.

You Can cope with your life. You write about how you’re “resigned to being borderline all my life”… because, like, you’ve tried a whole lot of nothing and you’re all out of ideas?

I know you’re trying, I know you’re stuck in neutral, I know the diseases won’t let you get out of bed or slow down or stop talking or stop thinking about every single last fucking embarrassing thing you’ve ever done but try not fucking drinking, try not doing drugs and take some fucking control over the diseases in your body.

Too many people believe that there’s just no fucking point in even trying to recover because the power of these diseases are too overwhelming, but that’s just bullshit we’re fed because no one has ever put into words or in film how to recover from mental illness honestly. In movies we’re lucky to make it to the second reel, or we see a doctor twice and suddenly we’re living in a Manhattan loft living the life of the totally fulfilled artist.

So we live the cliché. We live inside the stereotype. We swoon and let the disease fall over us like a warm, wet blanket. Then, ten years later, we wake up and wonder where everyone went.

You can cope with your life, and you can control the forces at work inside your body and your mind. You can be better. I know this. Just stop giving into the stereotypes and get angry at the things trying to kill you.

That’s all I can really offer as I know nothing I say will make things better.

I often do the same – want to say something, but not know how and in the end resort to emailing people afterwards when I’m able to write.

Take care x

How do you manage to type so much on that patient line thing? I found it v v difficult to type when I was in a hospital bed.

All the best,

Tom

Suzy x

I am really sorry that you are going through such a rough patch now Ruth, it’s only to be understandable with the cancer and the fact you are a borderline, the fact you wanted the BF to finish with you was typical borderline behaviour pushing people away to test your own limits, I’ve done it all my life… not only are you dealing with a severe mental health condition you have cancer as well – I honestly don’t think I could deal with it anymore sanely that what you are doing. I think I can understand why you needed to overdose.

Remember Ruth you are a great person, you can fight the cancer and you can get better, it takes time but you will get there. (now if only I can take my own advice!)

Okay my guidance is probably crap, I am really shit when it comes to offering advice to others but I am thinking of you and although I am a stranger if you want to offload drop me a line, I do make a good listener.

Alison
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