Stuck In The Middle Of A Quagmire

Yesterday was an exceptionally bad day. Today, so far looks marginally better but I think it will be a long time before things are good again.

As you may, or may not know, my parents are soon to be getting a divorce. However, at present they are still living in the same house. I don’t know why this is but it was working out OK with people living their own lives. Yesterday afternoon, just after lunch, things changed. I was upstairs so I don’t know the full story but suffice to say my parents had an argument which ended with my Dad hurling verbal and emotional abuse at my Mum, who tried to get me involved, but I am fed up of being dragged into petty arguments so I said I wasn’t going to take sides. She then promptly walked out of the house. This isn’t new, my Mum often needs space to think things through, so I wasn’t that concerned.

I continued doing what I was doing when there was a knock at the door. I ignored it for a few minutes and then wondered if it was my Mum who had forgotten her keys. I opened the door to find 3 police officers on the doorstep. I obviously invited them in before curtains could twitch more than they were doing already. Turns out my Mum was scared about what my Dad was going to do that she rang the police asking if there was somewhere safe she could spend the night and they sent 3 officers round to the address. 2 of them go off to talk to my Dad in the garden and the policewoman talks things through with me. I explain about the divorce, and my Dad’s past behaviour and I’m halfway through explaining things when she gets a call on her radio. Apparently my Mum has rung the police back and told them that she doesn’t need their help. The officers take down some final details and leave.

My Dad then leaves the house, at about 4pm, presumebly for the pub, and I decide to get the car out and go driving round to find my Mum. I find her wandering not too far away and manage to get her into the car and bring her home. The police then ring to make sure my Mum is OK, I tell them that she is, and to ask where my Dad is, to which I answer I don’t know.

The evening progresses quite quietly with my Mum having what can only be described as a somewhat hysterical turn and by 10pm we are both in bed. At midnight my Dad stumbles back into the house and goes to bed.

I wake up this morning to discover no one else is up. My Mum makes herself a cup of coffee and then goes back to bed. I go up to make sure she is OK and my Dad is moving around making a lot of noise. He goes downstairs with a suitcase and asks me to move my car (which is blocking his car in). I tell him that I’ll move the car but report him to the police if he drives off for drink driving as he clearly has too much alcohol in his system still. He tells me if I do that then “it’ll be the last thing I do”.

Since then, I didn’t report him to the police as I couldn’t be bothered getting my own back. My Mum appears to have cracked and I don’t know what to do to help her. Meanwhile I’m stuck in the middle trying to smooth over the cracks. All I really wanted to do yesterday was drive the car far away from here and run away, like my Dad has done. Trouble is, I have so little money at the moment that I can’t really afford to put any more petrol in the car and it is only half full.

My Mum says she’s going to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to talk things through. I don’t know where my Dad has gone and I don’t care. I just hope that he doesn’t reappear anytime soon. I’m fed up of being torn between two parents. I’m been played like a pawn for the last 23 years and I can’t let it continue.

Ruth