Today I finally cleaned, tidied, dusted and vacuumed my room. This may not sound like a big deal, but it is the first time I have done it since I moved back home in July. It also means that my room hadn’t been cleaned since I moved away to Newcastle in February, and given the mood I was in then I doubt I had touched it since the beginning of the year.
11 months of dust, dead skin cells, and general dirt meant a lot of sneezing and tidying up had to be done. It is now done and I am prepared to take bets on how long it will stay in this pristine state. I had to do something today though to keep myself occupied. The overwhelming thoughts are back in a somewhat, well, overwhelming way.
I need to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to get some more duloxetine, but I am scared to. I have enough to last me until Thursday, and my parents get back on Friday. Somewhere not so far towards the front of my mind is a fear that if I get a whole new prescription for duloxetine then sometime during this week I’ll take all the tablets at once. I don’t want to mention my fears to the GP as that means I’ll be back on weekly prescriptions and to be honest I can’t cope with the hassle of picking the tablets up every 7 days, plus when my parents are back home there will be no need for fewer tablets. I know I could just ask for a week’s worth to tide me over until the parents get back but that would mean a whole lot of explaining and I can’t be bothered doing that.
I see Allison tomorrow afternoon and she’s coming round to my house. She got very excited by the prospect of seeing my house and where I live as I have only ever met her at the mental health unit, which I can’t really understand but I am wholly appreciating her visit. Earlier today I realised that I have been in A&E at least once a week for the last 11 weeks, which is a sobering thought. I guess I need to make the best use of Allison whilst I am feeling like this as after all it is what she is there for.
Ruth
