Today I finally cleaned, tidied, dusted and vacuumed my room. This may not sound like a big deal, but it is the first time I have done it since I moved back home in July. It also means that my room hadn’t been cleaned since I moved away to Newcastle in February, and given the mood I was in then I doubt I had touched it since the beginning of the year.
11 months of dust, dead skin cells, and general dirt meant a lot of sneezing and tidying up had to be done. It is now done and I am prepared to take bets on how long it will stay in this pristine state. I had to do something today though to keep myself occupied. The overwhelming thoughts are back in a somewhat, well, overwhelming way.
I need to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to get some more duloxetine, but I am scared to. I have enough to last me until Thursday, and my parents get back on Friday. Somewhere not so far towards the front of my mind is a fear that if I get a whole new prescription for duloxetine then sometime during this week I’ll take all the tablets at once. I don’t want to mention my fears to the GP as that means I’ll be back on weekly prescriptions and to be honest I can’t cope with the hassle of picking the tablets up every 7 days, plus when my parents are back home there will be no need for fewer tablets. I know I could just ask for a week’s worth to tide me over until the parents get back but that would mean a whole lot of explaining and I can’t be bothered doing that.
I see Allison tomorrow afternoon and she’s coming round to my house. She got very excited by the prospect of seeing my house and where I live as I have only ever met her at the mental health unit, which I can’t really understand but I am wholly appreciating her visit. Earlier today I realised that I have been in A&E at least once a week for the last 11 weeks, which is a sobering thought. I guess I need to make the best use of Allison whilst I am feeling like this as after all it is what she is there for.
Ruth
November 23, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Sometimes a clean and tidy room can make you feel slightly better, at least it works that way with me! And as you know overwhelming thoughts are bad, maybe you should tell your GP?
November 24, 2008 at 8:55 am
Go to your gp and be honest. My gp had me on weekly scripts as he didn’t want to give me the temptation. It was a pain but probably for the best. On fortnightly now but i was a bit wary about the pill collection i had. It is hard to resist.
Take care honey. X
November 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Sorry, relatively new to blog and forgetful. Who is Allison?
As for the weekly scripts, they are a real pain, I have ranted many a good time; but if it is what you need right now surely its better to stay safe.
November 24, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Hannah: Somehow having a tidy room did seem to lift my mood temporarily.
Into The System: I tried to get a GP appointment today, but there weren’t any so here’s fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Crazy Nurse: Welcome! Allison is my CPN. Weekly scripts are so annoying, I spent 18 months on them whilst at uni and I got so peed off every week with them. Plus I am uber forgetful so happened to not pick them up occasionally and then run out of tablets!
November 25, 2008 at 4:20 am
if you call any GP in the uk at 8.30am/when they open, they have appointments for people on a first come first served basis sugga. they should be able to see you within a couple of hours of your call. usually with gps, the appointments are all gone by 9/half 9am so i’d get in quick! (tho u prob know all of this but i’m trying to be my ever useful self ;p)
whenever i tidy when stressed, it is relief/mood lift for a while too! and im usually baffled at how much crap ive just cleared from the house! i tidy regularly anyway so wonder where its all come from! glad u found some relief from this too ruth.
i hope u manage to get an appointment sorted in the morning though and please be as honest as you can with your gp about feeling so overwhelmed. they’re there to help after all.
if you ever want to talk or anything, drop me a line
sending warm wishes, thoughts and luv ur way.
s-j
x