It seems an eternity since I last posted here, that’s probably because it is.
A lot has happened in the fortnight or so since I was waiting for Allison to arrive. I had been taking an overdose all day and she commented I didn’t look very well but I lied and claimed it was because I didn’t have any make up on. When she left I continued to take tablets and a very good friend or mine rang. I ignored her first call but answered her second. She realised something was up and called an ambulance. I spent the night in A&E and the next 4 days in hospital on various drips and having my arms sutured back together. I was discharged on the Friday as there were no beds in the mental health unit, which is where Allison, the self-harm team and crisis team wanted to discharge me to.
I returned to hospital on the Saturday as a patient on the day surgery unit as one of the wounds on my arm needed debriding and resuturing after I pulled the stitches out in the early hours of the Friday morning. The operation never happened as I got pushed down the trauma list for various emergencies and an RTA. I self-discharged at 4:30pm as I knew that after 6:00pm they only conduct life or limb threatening surgery, and I didn’t qualify for either.
I got home and had an argument with my parents, who knew nothing of the week I had spent in hospital as both of them had been away during that week. On the Sunday morning I decided I needed some space and went to drive my car and go and find some time to myself. My Mum realised something was wrong and that I wasn’t fit to drive so she drove my car away so I didn’t have access to it. Instead I just got on the Tube and got the train to Eastbourne. I ended up at Beachy Head having taken yet more tablets and being rescued from the edge by the Beachy Head Chaplain Team. I was taken to hospital in Hastings having been detained by the police under a Section 136 holding power.
I eventually told my Mum what had been happening and she came down to Hastings to visit me. I spent 3 days in the Conquest Hospital until my blood results had returned to normal and I had been assessed by the mental health nurse who was prepared to discharge me back to the CMHT. I saw Allison and the crisis team on the Wednesday who wanted to admit me again to the mental health unit, but still there were no beds.
I have been in constant contact with Allison and the psychiatrist since I got home. The duloxetine has been restarted, as I wasn’t given any whilst I was in hospital, as has the lamotrigine. My Mum is in control of my tablets, which has been my choice as I don’t trust myself and the psychiatrist has given me some more diazepam for when I feel very restless.
I finally got the operation done on my arm on Saturday and reacted badly to the general anaesthetic. I had pseudoseizures when I came round and eventually they knocked me out with haloperidol, a drug I hadn’t had the chance to experience before. All I can say is that it knocked me out, totally. I came home Saturday night after being treated as a day patient and just slept all of Sunday.
Today I saw Allison again and we managed to talk a bit more about my mood and the diagnosis. Both Allison and the psychiatrist are not entirely convinced that I fit all the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, but Allison isn’t sure what diagnostic criteria I fit. I am to see Allison again on Friday and then again next week. After that of course it is the week of Christmas, how it seems to have crept up on me this year!
I promise that updates will be more frequent from now on and I’m sorry if I scared or unnerved people.
Ruth
