After seeing Allison yesterday and not being in a particularly good or safe mood we agreed that I would ring the crisis team daily over the weekend (including last night), ring Allison again on Monday and go ahead with our appointment as planned on Tuesday lunchtime.
The crisis team were informed that I had to ring them at least once a day and if I didn’t make contact with them then they were to make contact with me. I didn’t ring them last night and I haven’t rung them so far today. They haven’t rung me either. I’m quite glad, I can do without being patronised, or told to have a milky drink, or a hot bath, or to write things down. I know the crisis team probably serve a purpose to some people, but I haven’t found that person yet!
Fighting an uncontrollable feeling to just walk out of the house. I don’t know where I’d go and I don’t really care. My sister once said that London is a great place to be if you just want to disappear and be lost. I know what she means. I have my coat upstairs so I can walk out without suspicion. I have also found where my Mum has been hiding the stock of diazepam (it wasn’t intentional, I did just stumble upon them).
The two coincidences together are far too tempting at present.
Ruth
