After seeing Allison yesterday and not being in a particularly good or safe mood we agreed that I would ring the crisis team daily over the weekend (including last night), ring Allison again on Monday and go ahead with our appointment as planned on Tuesday lunchtime.
The crisis team were informed that I had to ring them at least once a day and if I didn’t make contact with them then they were to make contact with me. I didn’t ring them last night and I haven’t rung them so far today. They haven’t rung me either. I’m quite glad, I can do without being patronised, or told to have a milky drink, or a hot bath, or to write things down. I know the crisis team probably serve a purpose to some people, but I haven’t found that person yet!
Fighting an uncontrollable feeling to just walk out of the house. I don’t know where I’d go and I don’t really care. My sister once said that London is a great place to be if you just want to disappear and be lost. I know what she means. I have my coat upstairs so I can walk out without suspicion. I have also found where my Mum has been hiding the stock of diazepam (it wasn’t intentional, I did just stumble upon them).
The two coincidences together are far too tempting at present.
Ruth
December 13, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Keep hanging on in there, ruth.
I know the crisis team may not be particularly helpful, but try to call them and let them know what you have posted here.
Stay safe
December 15, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I always have these feelings of wanting to escape. So every night to the annoyance of my mother, I go out for a drive. She doesn’t know why I need to go nor do i really care to explain it to her.
When I’m alone, away from the concern and questions and pressure, I feel more relaxed and at ease with my emotions and thoughts in my head.