No News Isn’t Necessarily Good News: My Life Meanders On Badly

I’ve been in hospital again, over the Easter weekend. My psychiatrist decided that I was too suicidal and self-destructive to cope in the community so admitted me. He tried to get an NHS admission but surprise, surprise there were no beds so instead the NHS trust paid for me to be in the Priory! Get that!

Still feeling shit, and Allison has my dressing gown cord as in our last appointment she didn’t feel I was safe to have it, plus the Priory have my set of extra meds I was stockpiling and my last razor blade. I have stopped taking my meds as since New Year I have put on nearly 3 stone and it is medication related so I need to lose that weight.

My Mum rang Dr Mc on Friday about me as she was worried I wouldn’t be able to make it to the appointment on Wednesday so I have an emergency appointment at 8.30 tomorrow morning.

I feel awful moaning though as others’ are having a worse time.

Ruth

Accessing Advice: Sometimes The Support Isn’t There

I have been in A&E since writing the last post, which saw me staving off a self-harm attempt by being sensible and seeking help and advice. I had sutures for all times.

The last time, yesterday, I tried so hard to speak to someone, anyone before I cut myself.

At 10.30am I turned up at A&E to speak with the DSH team but no one was answering the phone. The receptionist called the crisis team who said it would be 4 hours before they could see me.

At 11am I rang Allison who was out but her secretary promised me that she’d ring me back.

At 11.15 I rang the Priory to discover my therapist was busy all morning and the assistant psychologist wasn’t in yesterday.

At 11.30 I rang the crisis team who wouldn’t speak with me as I wasn’t on their caseload and suggested I went to A&E or rang my CPN back.

At 11.45 I rang Allison again, who was still out.

At 12pm I took a diazepam and slept until 1.30pm.

At 2pm I cut myself and ended up in A&E with the same receptionist booking me in.

I ended up in minor injuries and got discharged with no psych assessment.

Allison finally rang me back as I left A&E. I told her what had happened and she said I had tried all the right things.

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.

Ruth