I am angry.
Actually that is an understatement.
I am fucking furious.
People who hold positions of responsibility and seniority have decided to make decisions about me without consulting me first.
They have gone right over the top of my head to discuss me with other people and the first I know of it is the other person happening to mention it in passing.
I can’t be arsed to go into details, and no one is probably interested, but it has seriously pissed me off.
I want to hit self-destruct and hit the button so hard that it explodes. Maybe I want to self-implode. I know I have just taken it all out on my Mum who commented that “if you’ve had the attitude you’ve had at home over the past few weeks I can completely understand why you’ve been kept out of any consultations”. I needed support and sympathy from her. A helping hand, not someone else to stab me in the back. I know my Dad will be equally, if not more, unsupportive when my Mum tells him.
I feel like no one in the world wants to actually help and support me anymore. They all just make executive decisions about me as if I was a pawn ina game of chess.
It’s at times like these I wish the serious suicide attempts of late last year had worked. I really wish I could go back 6 months and do it all again, but properly this time.
Ruth
