We all know I am crazy and that crazy people end up in loony bins at some point or another.
We also know that a lack of insight or medication incompliance is a more than likely reason to land yourself in hospital.
I also know that I have both of the above and am manic (although that does show some insight, I just don’t have insight into how I am manic, I just know I am because I have been told it by so many people).
The thing is, I don’t think I should be in here. I am pissing the staff off by asking to go out for a walk, or to go to the art room to do something or by constantly tidying up and annoying other patients into doing things. I am also annoying the depressed patients, who quite frankly are just lolling around in front of the TV, and I can’t blame them because 6 or so months ago I was one of them, because I want them to do something, anything with me.
I took the first dose of Epilim (sodium valproate) last night. Apparently it is slightly chemically different from Depakote, which is what I thought it was at first. I also got given haliperidol at about 9pm to shut me up and to calm me down. K, my named nurse, was working today and we had a chat and a wander around the grounds and she was telling me how different I was now from New Year and how she would be nursing/looking after me in a different way. She tried to get me to see that I should be in hospital, but I’m still not agreeing with her.
We made a pact that I will stay over the Bank Holiday weekend, mainly because Dr Mc isn’t back at work ’till Tuesday and then review the situation. I have a CPA meeting on Wednesday with Dr Mc, K, Allison, G (the assistant psychologist) and my Mum, but I see no reason why this cannot be conducted as an outpatient. In short, come 9am Tuesday morning when Dr Mc arrives into work I will be trying to self-discharge.
This place is driving me crazier than I was at home, mainly because of the lack of stimuli and the fact that everyone is annoyed by my incessant energy and eagerness to do things. If I get too high, like last night then I am deemed in a mood that is a danger to myself and others so am sedated.
I debated running away but I guess the fall out isn’t worth it, and I promised K I would stay until Monday.