I Think I Can Honestly Say “I’m Doing OK”

And it’s the first time in weeks I’ve been able to say, or even think that.

I am at home, with the parents (who are, possibly quite rightly, being incredibly over-protective). I am staying here until 9am tomorrow morning, when I return to the mental health unit. I have been on leave since midday on Saturday and have loved and hated being away from the unit. Part of me is scared of being in the outside world again, there is a part of me that still wants to flee to far-flung places and start a new life, or that wants to curl up under the duvet with a bottle of cheap gin/vodka/whiskey/rum (delete as applicable), or wants to slice myself to pieces. But then there is a part of me that wants to go back to university in January (I originally deferred for a year, but after talking to my tutor and explaining everything he is offering the opportunity to return to studies in January, if I want to).

They are thinking of discharging me sometime early next week. The operation on my arm went well, although it will take some time to see if the nerve is beginnning to knit back together and fix itself. My new psychiatrist is trying me on new medication. I am off the lithium and onto lamotrigine (I have taken it in the past and it worked well). I am on a new dose of venlafaxine (150mg b.d.) which is an increase, but should take it into more of a therapeutic range for the noradrenaline reuptake. I am off the temazepam and zopiclone and onto zolpidem (as a short term fix). I am also being referred to the substance misuse people within the trust, who apparently run a women’s only service as outpatients, and am due to have a meeting with someone about that soon. I am getting a CPN, as it has been decided that I will live with my parents in West London for the foreseeable future, even if I return to uni, and will be meeting them sometime after I am discharged. Plus, when I am discharged I will be under the care of the crisis team daily for the first week.

This all feels very strange, but it is nice to know that there is support in place.



6 Responses to “I Think I Can Honestly Say “I’m Doing OK””

  1. Alison Says:

    It’s wonderful to hear Ruth you are doing so well. Sounds like things are coming together. You have a course a long way to go but it’s nice to see you have a good network of support around you to listen and care for you.

    Take care… and I hope the nerve starts to work soon


  2. Austin Says:

    Hope things stay good, and get better.

    Happy for you.

  3. +PHc Says:

    When I was hospitalized (emergency 5150’ed) – I don’t know if that ‘s the same there – I didn’t qualify for release. I don’t remember – or understand why. And then when my in-hospitalization due time was up, I was denied on the grounds that I “didn’t have a proper care plan” for return to the outside. But I had no way of planning. I would have to go before a judge to contest the decision. Then, for some reason a week or I don’t really know how long at all later, they suddenly said I could go. Completely arbitrarily – no care plan in place. I was furious. And lost.

    Luckily my brother had come to town (San Francisco) from Dallas to take care of my cat so Animal Control wouldn’t take her. He was my support and “buffer” to the outside. And it took some time, but I’m OK. It was a year ago.

    I know I am talking about myself when you are the one in need, but I just wanted to say how much it matters to me that you are sometimes “overprotected,” and will have a crisis team checking up on you during the tender transition. I wish you the very best.

    And I hope that, when you are ready, you will be able to return to your studies, and am glad they are working with yo about things so often misunderstood and judged. Not having been able to become better educated is what I regret most about all my “interference.”

    Take it easy. I’m very happy you’re “doing ok.”

  4. Rollercoaster Says:

    Glad all the supports seem to have been put into place. Be gentle with yourself during this transition time.

  5. Ruth Says:

    Thanks for all your lovely messages guys. I will take care and try and be gentle with myself and make use of the support available in the coming days.


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