I want to curl up and hide

So scared about tomorrow. Biopsy and self-harm team. Don’t think I can take much more.

Tutor just emailed me asking if I was OK because I looked very upset and anxious today and suggested referral to uni counselling – might take him up on the offer.

Also operation has been brought forwards a week, it’s in just over 2 months.

I want to pull the duvet over my head and just sleep. Took a few too many zolpidem/zopiclone last night – actually unintentionally, just kept waking up and taking another one or half. Managed to wake up this morning and get to uni but since 4pm have been absolutely whacked. All the side effects I’ve got is a bitter taste in my mouth and a very dry mouth, plus feeling a bit groggy. Got my new prescription for venlafaxine from the pharmacy – 4 boxes of 28 tablets in each. Seems quite tempting.

Ruth

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3 Responses to “I want to curl up and hide”

  1. Rollercoaster Says:

    Not surprised you feel overwhelmed right now – completely appropriate reaction, I would suggest. However, I know from what I have read already that you are stronger than you think. You can get through this, and you will.
    glad your tutor is suggesting extra support. Worth looking into, I suggest.
    As far as the self harm team goes tomorrow, I haven’t had any experience with that here, but my CPN has certainly been very helpful and very non-judgemental, and I am sure a specialist team will be even more so. The biopsy is a tough one, but you can get through it. Stay away from the venlafaxine (apart from the prescribed dose!) – maybe you can get someone else to look agter the tablets for you, to remove the temptation?
    Gentle hugs, if they are acceptable.
    C

  2. exactscience Says:

    If I can be frank, and I know you will expect nothing less, the deliberate self harm team are likely to tell you a lot of stuff you know. Now and this is important (and something I still struggle with myself hugely) you don’t know everything so don’t be dismissive. This maybe easy to do – certainly it was with me but I was an eighteen year old in an adolescent service. I really hope it is not. Make the most of it, you’ll be grand.

    As for the bio. It is just a bio. Not point in doing anything drastic with the venlafaxine. 112 of those bad boys will fuck you up. A biopsy won’t. You do have the strength to get through this. And even if you don’t have the willpower to resist temptation you know that and you are bright enough to take action.

    Fuck it, that all sounded trite. You are strong enough to not do anything silly, tomorrow is tougher than you think it is because you are over thinking, It is a biopsy and a chat with some folk, you will be grand, pet.

  3. +PHc Says:

    Just thinking about you and wishing you luck. Wishing you miracles, actually.


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