It’s time for a few explanations

I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet recently but a lot of horrible things have happened. The first was that I split up with the boyfriend a while ago and this has hit me hard, which is why it’s taken me a while to mention it.

 The second relates to my family life. On Thursday night my parents had an argument about me admitting to my prescription/OTC drug dpendence and my Mum ended up with a broken wrist. My father is a wife-beater, spouse abuser, vicious bastard – use whichever phrase you prefer, they all mean the same thing. On Friday night I went awol, I just couldn’t cope at home so I shouted a few home truths and stormed out. My Mum panicked and rang the crisis team, who in turn rang me to see what I was “playing at”. I told them what had happened the previous night and that I was of sane mind and just needed some time out, whereupon they left me alone.

I came back home yesterday to find my Mum totally depressed, despondent and miserable. She was saying and doing some quite odd and scary things. When I wet to bed last night I had a text conversation with a friend and they asked if I was worried my Mum might commit suicide. I had to answer “yes” and I knew that she had a box of temazepam in her possession as well as some of my zolpidem and co-codamol lying around somewhere.

I was right to be worried. At some point early this morning, somewhere between 5 and 7, my Mum took an overdose. I walked into her room with a cup of coffee and found her, so rang an ambulance. She’s in hospital now and is being kept in overnight for medical observation. They’re not going to have any psych intervention as the doctors and nurses guessed what had caused it and apparently can rule out a mental health problem. She’s not talking to me now as I dialled 999 and it’s all my fault she didn’t just sleep (interpret that as you will), I felt like saying that she hadn’t taken enough to die and to take that from the expert, but I didn’t.

Before anyone asks, I don’t know how I feel.

Numb.

Scared.

Anxious.

Upset.

Guilty.

Angry.

Hurt.

Despair.

They all describe it quite accurately.

I don’t want to live here anymore, but I can’t move out because how can I leave her in this situation. She isn’t going to leave, she never will, but I can support her if I am here.

It’s all so confusing and difficult.

Ruth

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3 Responses to “It’s time for a few explanations”

  1. anonymrs Says:

    You need to call the police on your Dad. My dad was abusive too. If your mom is unable to cope, you need to save her and yourself by calling the cops and getting that asshole put in jail. Seriously. You can do this.

  2. Disillusioned Says:

    I’m sorry, Ruth. I can only imagine how difficult all this is for you. I hope you are able to talk to the crisis team about what has happened and that they can help you. Do get the support you need for yourself. And try to remember you are not responsible for anyone else’s choices and actions – only your own. Only you can decide whether it is best for you to stay at home, but you need to make that decision on the basis of your own health and well-being as much as your Mum’s.

    gentle hugs if they are welcome.

  3. Alison Says:

    Ruth, I can sympathise with you to some extent since my own father is not the most pleasant person to get on with and I know my own mother has not been happy in her marriage for a long time.

    I am glad your mother is okay, she needs to talk to someone she shouldn’t have to live like that with a man who beats her, my own father doesn’t hit my mum but use to hit me, now if he’d raised a finger to me he’d known about it 😉 the same goes for the fact if he hurt my mother.

    You did the right thing in calling 999 you know that only to well, no doubt your mum is feeling depressed right now and needs some space, give her time and just be there the best way you can.


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