This post has been being formed in my head for a while. I’ve been meaning to write it for a while as well, but for one reason or another I always found something better to be doing, but now I am doing it.
You may well know that yours truly ended up being sectioned in February, for 28 days because as I so delicately put it at the time ‘something horrible happened’. That is true, something horrible did happen and I still have trouble getting my head round it.
I had gone out for a few drinks and got quite drunk and was being walked home by a friend I had known for a few years and had often flirted with. We ended up kissing a few times but I insisted it didn’t go any further. Trouble was, he had no self-control and he raped me.
After this I went totally off the rails. I tried to kill myself 3 times in the following 5 days, I took overdoses galour, I cut myself, I tried to hang myself, I ran away from London and made a superb attempt of fucking up my own suicide attempt with a bath tap. Basically I O/D’ed massively, cut my wrists ipen and sat in a flowing bath but lost consciousness and the bath overflowed leaking through to the room below so I ended up in hospital having my stomach pumped and my arms stitched back together.
I did report the rape and it has gone before the CPS and the guy has gone before a magistrate and he will appear in court sometime later this year charged with attempted rape and sexual assault – apparently there isn’t enough evidence to charge him with rape.
Whilst I was explaining all of this in hospital though I ended up blurting out to the boyfriend why it affected me so, so badly. From the age of 12 until 18 I was sexually abused by someone in my family. I now know that they did the same thing to my sister and it was only when she left home that he started doing it to me. This is why i can look both pragmatically upon the event in February but also get totally freaked out by it.
I never wanted to tell anyone about the abuse, but now people know. I never wanted to say the words but they are coming more easily to me now.