From Pillar To Post: How You End Up Being Passed Around

Gavin rang me back on Tuesday after he had contacted all the people he needed to contact. He thinks I am too stable and compliant to be under the Assertive Outreach Team and therefore is referring me back to my local Community Mental Health Team (CMHT).

In essence this is good news but it means that I have had no support since Tuesday and am unlikely to have any now under next Tuesday thanks to a Bank Holiday weekend. I have the number for the Crisis Team and Gateway Worker but I’m notoriously bad at seeking out help for myself. Instead I just sit and wallow and drag myself deeper into a black hole.

I didn’t mention this to Gavin when he asked if I had any questions. I just mumbled “no” and he wished me well for the future and hung up. I feel as if I am slipping backwards. I am so lethargic, I can’t be bothered with anything, even the nice things in life.

Yesterday a group of 3 of us took the Eurostar to Paris for the day (£59 return tickets). It was meant to be a nice day out with a change of scenery. It should have been fun but instead I felt myself wandering around aimlessly feeling numb and empty. I know that this is a downward slope but I’m don’t know what to do to stop it now I have no continuous or nearby support.

I’m not even sure if I want to stop it in all honesty. Sometimes I think being depressed is easier than trying to fight it and work myself into recovery.

Ruth

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4 Responses to “From Pillar To Post: How You End Up Being Passed Around”

  1. Alison Says:

    It’s not nice to feel let down and left hanging from people who are suppose to care, been there two many times and am personally passed caring…

    On the other hand, how nice to beable to hop on a train to Paris for the day!

  2. Disillusioned Says:

    Been there too…

    Is there any way of communicating this to Gavin? Sometimes I find it easier to write things down that to say them. Sometimes I have enlisted the help of others to start things off – to say what I need to (but can’t) say. Are either of these options for you? You clearly need the extra support the AOT were providing you with.

    When do you next see someone from CMHT?

    thinking of you.

    C

  3. Ruth Says:

    Alison: A part of me knows that it’s only my own borderline insecurities that is making me feel let down and that everyone is doing what they can as fast as they can. However, as you say it isn’t a nice feeling, especially when you are relying on the added support. Being able to get a train to Paris for the day is brilliant. It’s one of the many, many things that makes me love living in London.

    Disillusioned: I could try and write him a letter but I think that because he has referred me back to the CMHT that he has in effect discharged me and I’m not sure if any contact I had with him now would be of much use. I don’t know when I am due to see the CMHT, this is part of the problem. All he said was that he was referring me and that they would be in touch soon, but I don’t know how long soon is. I truly do feel left up the creek without a paddle!

  4. Disillusioned Says:

    OK (or rather, very NOT OK!) If you possibly can, pick up the phone and ring the Crisis team. That’s what they are there for. What’s more, they can put some pressure on CMHT to make sure you are seen very quickly. You should not be left without support having just ocme out of hospital. Please try to call. Then (if you can also bring yourself to) write that letter – but to the crisis team – and ask for their help.


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