Curled Up In A Corner: How I Am Becoming Anti-Social

It’s official. I do not have a social life anymore.

When I was in hospital I dreamt of being discharged so I could go out with friends during the day and night. To the cinema, for a cup of coffee or a meal, to a bar, or even just to wander round the shops.

Since I have been discharged I have done none of those things. I have been out for one cup of coffee with my Mum. Admittedly I went to Paris on Thursday but I hate the incessent socialability of it all and the constant being talkative and engaging.

Instead I am curling up on my bed and sleeping most of the day. Or if I am not sleeping then I’m just sitting with my eyes closed or staring into space. I occasionally venture downstairs when my parents yell at me or if they tell me I have to eat some food. In fact a couple of hours ago my Mum said that all I do is “eat and sleep”. I would like to alter that comment to “eating minimal amounts” as I can’t even be bothered to eat. Chewing requires too much energy.

A part of me would love some form of social interaction. To see people or talk to them on the phone, but it would have to be on my terms andunfortunately my terms at the moment involve a lot of long pauses and general mopiness.

I know that holing myself away from the world isn’t going to make me feel better but equally getting on the Tube at Bank Holiday won’t make me feel better either. I have a feeling that if I go out then I would just get irritable and want to hit the slow walking person in front of me, or I’d start an argument, probably for no reason, that would get me kicked off the bus.

Instead I think I may have a few drinks and go to bed and before anyone says anything… I don’t care about alcohol in moderation tonight. Getting drunk and going to sleep is going to suit me a lot better in the morning than the other self-destructive urges I’ve been thinking of.



6 Responses to “Curled Up In A Corner: How I Am Becoming Anti-Social”

  1. Chouette Says:

    All I’m doing right now is more or less eating and sleeping… I’ve been awake for a total of 5 hours today, and I’m about to go back to bed. I blame the mirtazapine, the side effects are almost as bad as the depression was x

    On the plus side, I’m not going to kill myself because of side effects, whereas that would have been the result of leaving my depression unmedicated

  2. The Dream Wizard Says:

    Hey Ruth, I’m sorry to hear of your loneliness and isolation. Believe me, I understand. I hope you find a friend in this time, and please keep talking to us – we may be virtual, but the beautiful thing about the internet is that you connect with spiritual kindred spirits, where-ever in the world wemay physically reside. Life changes, it reallt does, especially when you decide to take it into your own hands and change the course of its direction. In the meantime, sleep and friends (however virtual!) and writing can really help. Don’t feel alone! xxx

  3. sunshine4shadows Says:

    I know to you, your actions may be depressing, but that sounds real good to me. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Less eat, lose weight while sleeping.

  4. Alison Says:

    Take care of yourself Ruth, I guess what you are feeling can be partly blamed for adjusting to getting back to normal after being in hospital.

  5. Ruth Says:

    Thank you for all the supportive comments people. xx

  6. because I care about U Says:

    my fiancee has been on tegratol and zoloft for 5 years. he needs it. BUT in august, he lost his job and has been in such a funk – he sleeps all day. he only gets out of his room to eat and the occational special outing. he is dragging his feet on calling a possible job opportunity because they were supposed to call in the beginning of january and since they havent, he expects they don’t want him – but i think he should call – just to close the chapter. He won’t apply anywhere else even though the applications are at home.

    i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to get him back into the workforce (which not having a job depresses him).

    any suggestions?

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