Sorry about my absence for the last few days.
I was back in hospital having chemotherapy. I now only have one more cycle to go before they complete another x-ray and decide if they are to complete more chemotherapy or operate to remove the tumour. However, because I now have had 4 cycles of chemo I am really beginning to feel the side effects. I am still suffering from horrendous nausea and vomiting due to the drugs used but a combination of ondansetron and cyclizine is helping but I tend to have that horrible metallic ”just about to vomit’ excess saliva feeling in my mouth most of the time. My hair is beginning to fall out which isn’t good news for a girl who is a trichotillomaniac and can pull an awful lot of her hair out without even realising it, although I have noticed that as my hair falls out onto my pillow or over my shoulders the need to pull at my own hair has lessened. My immune system is also beginning to become worn down. I am suffering from being thrown by simple things like a minor cold, in fact they were worried about a week ago that I had picked up my Mum’s pharangitis and would need monitoring. The only thing I have noticed from having a weakened immune system is that I am having to really look after the sutures that are in place in my legs at present and I feel very run down and tired. That’s not tired in a lethargic way but tired in a feeling ill way, like you do when you have ‘flu or a bad cold.
In other news I am still feeling very depressed but got home to discover that the valve on the radiator in my bathroom has been leaking whilst I was in hospital and as no one has been in there since Tuesday morning the carpet is absolutely sodden and is now beginning to smell as it dries out, which isn’t particularly pleasant. I haven’t heard anything from the CMHT or any part of the mental health services. It seems as if I have disappeared off the radar after seeing Gavin nearly two weeks ago. I find this shocking as it is only 2 weeks since I was discharged from hospital and my supposed ‘care plan’ disintegrated within 72 hours of being released. A part of me wants to tell them to stick their care and attention because if they only want to see me when I’m acutely unwell or when I pitch up into A&E (although on Monday they didn’t even bother) then clearly I am well enough to stumble through my own mess and sort myself out. However, I know from past experience that I’m not very ood at coping on my own so I will continue to wait, patiently, or as patiently as I can.
I have to make an appointment with the practice nurse next week to get the sutures out and to have a blood test. I also have to see my GP to get a repeat prescription so these will be ideal times to mention the lack of support and see if they can push it along any faster. I don’t hold out much hope though, which is sad because although Gavin wasn’t the ‘wonder boy’ that everyone had made him out to be, he did seem a decent guy who did as he promised (contacting me to let me know what would happen). Maybe something has got lost somewhere along the line. There are a variety of things that could have happened and I guess I need to stop being so paranoid as to assume that I am not worthy or care and support.