What Could Have Been An Absolut Disaster: How Copious Amounts Of Vodka Are Not Good For Me

I got drunk last night, on vodka. Not a little bit tipsy but all out totally drunk. So much so that when I went to bed I had to prop my head up as lying down made me feel sick.

I also had a very bad urge to take the 2 months worth of venlafaxine that I had acquired in my drawer. Luckily I texted a friend, they guessed what was up and rang me and managed to get me to see sense.

Today has been a little better. I have had no alcohol and have even managed to complete some things I have been putting off for ages, namely my ironing. At least I’ll turn up to the CMHT appointment tomorrow with clean, ironed clothes. I’m sure that ticks one of their boxes.

I’m quite nervous about tomorrow. A friend of mine has a mantra for me “tale your time and be honest”. I plan to do both tomorrow but the trouble is, time is limited in a CMHT assessment appointment so everything will be whizzed through and I will feel as if I haven’t been able to cover things in depth. Also I’m not very good at being honest with people I have only just met, and the idea of two people sitting in front of me taking notes just totally freaks me out. I don’t know why but one person assessing me is one thing, but two, well that’s a step too far.

I have to go back to Plastics Outpatients on Wednesday to get my arm looked at. Surprisingly I haven’t picked the dressing off or at the stitches, which is fairly remarkable for me. It seems to be healing, in that it is itching at hurting, and I don’t think it’s infected, so hopefully they’ll be quite happy with the way in which it is progressing.

I have a bad urge to want to get drunk again but I know it would be a bad idea, a very bad idea. I’m just anxious about tomorrow and instead of confronting why I am anxious and what I am going to do about it, I’d prefer to blot it all out. Maybe I’ll have a bath later, although it seems like hard work. There isn’t even any Top Gear on TV tonight to make me laugh. Plus I’m having a crisis about what to wear tomorrow, as per usual. I don’t know why I worry so much about what I wear to mental health appointments, but I do.

In better news, I’ve lost 2 kilos!



6 Responses to “What Could Have Been An Absolut Disaster: How Copious Amounts Of Vodka Are Not Good For Me”

  1. colouredmind Says:

    I hope your appointment tomorrow goes really well. X

  2. Cool Polar Says:

    Take your time and be honest is very good advice. Good luck.

    Yay on the weight loss.

    Polar B

  3. Alison Says:

    Good luck for tomorrow Ruth. Vodka doesn’t really help me neither… I don’t want to recall how much I drank on Saturday night in the Ice Bar I went to!

  4. exactscience Says:

    That’s a fucking awesome mantra. That friend should write a book of them or something.

  5. Hannah Says:

    Hope your appointment went well and that you managed to talk about what you needed to – I find that difficult in limited time appointments as well.
    And I like the mantra!

  6. Ruth Says:

    Coloured Mind: It was quite a success actually in some ways, however, in others in was a bit of a disaster but that was down to me rather than the team. I’ll be posting about it soon.

    Cool Polar: It is indeed very sensible advice. I think it should be posted on the walls of all mental health units, GP surgeries and A&E units. It works for all sorts of things, not just mental health issues.

    Alison: I do on the whole try and steer clear of vodka. I don’t know why but whenever I get drunk on it I always feel really bad. Maybe we should just forget how much we both drank on Saturday night and move on?

    Scott: I agree. It is a damn good mantra. They’re quite a little ray of common sense as a friend most of the time. Maybe they should write a book, not a bad idea.

    Hannah: I think we can all learn something from the mantra. I talked about somewhere in the region of 55% of what I wanted to talk about but then the questions were quite narrow and they were trying to ascertain a number of things. I’m seeing the CPN who has been allocated to me again next week and then both of them again in 3 weeks so hopefully I’ll be able to open up a bit more by then. The time constraints and the fact that were 2 strangers didn’t really help the conversation to flow, if you know what I mean.

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