Selfish Spoilt Child: How I Want Everything I Cannot Have

I want to eat because I’m bored and depressed but then I’m terrified of gaining weight.

I want to sleep to escape how I’m feeling but then I’m having nightmares that make me wake up bolt upright in bed.

I want to self-harm but now my Mum is more aware of the situation I don’t want her knowing I’ve been in A&E or self-harming that badly.

I want to die but then I’m scared of not being able to even do that properly.

I want to stop taking all the meds but then I’m scared that if I feel this bad on them, how will I feel off them?

I want all of this crap to end. I tried ringing Allison today just for a bit of moral support to tell me I can get through this but she was out. Instead I got the duty CPN with a computer system that was down so he didn’t know anything about me. I know I see her on Friday and I only have to get through tonight and then tomorrow.

I guess I want doesn’t get though.

I just want an assurance that this will end.



2 Responses to “Selfish Spoilt Child: How I Want Everything I Cannot Have”

  1. intothesystem Says:

    *hug* keep holding on. I hope seeing Allison on Friday helps. x

  2. Alison Says:

    I wish I could offer some friendly advice to you Ruth, just hang on in there… x

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