Going Crazy In The Nut House: Maybe I Shouldn’t Be In Here

We all know I am crazy and that crazy people end up in loony bins at some point or another.

We also know that a lack of insight or medication incompliance is a more than likely reason to land yourself in hospital.

I also know that I have both of the above and am manic (although that does show some insight, I just don’t have insight into how I am manic, I just know I am because I have been told it by so many people).

The thing is, I don’t think I should be in here. I am pissing the staff off by asking to go out for a walk, or to go to the art room to do something or by constantly tidying up and annoying other patients into doing things. I am also annoying the depressed patients, who quite frankly are just lolling around in front of the TV, and I can’t blame them because 6 or so months ago I was one of them, because I want them to do something, anything with me.

I took the first dose of Epilim (sodium valproate) last night. Apparently it is slightly chemically different from Depakote, which is what I thought it was at first. I also got given haliperidol at about 9pm to shut me up and to calm me down. K, my named nurse, was working today and we had a chat and a wander around the grounds and she was telling me how different I was now from New Year and how she would be nursing/looking after me in a different way. She tried to get me to see that I should be in hospital, but I’m still not agreeing with her.

We made a pact that I will stay over the Bank Holiday weekend, mainly because Dr Mc isn’t back at work ’till Tuesday and then review the situation. I have a CPA meeting on Wednesday with Dr Mc, K, Allison, G (the assistant psychologist) and my Mum, but I see no reason why this cannot be conducted as an outpatient. In short, come 9am Tuesday morning when Dr Mc arrives into work I will be trying to self-discharge.

This place is driving me crazier than I was at home, mainly because of the lack of stimuli and the fact that everyone is annoyed by my incessant energy and eagerness to do things. If I get too high, like last night then I am deemed in a mood that is a danger to myself and others so am sedated.

I debated running away but I guess the fall out isn’t worth it, and I promised K I would stay until Monday.



4 Responses to “Going Crazy In The Nut House: Maybe I Shouldn’t Be In Here”

  1. intothesystem Says:

    I can imagine what it must be like, although at least on the ward at Altrincham Priory you’d have the addicts to entertain you. It can get very very dull at the best of times, but if you’re high as a kite too it can’t help.

    I do still think you need to be there though. It sounds like the staff are doing their best and don’t worry about driving them mad. It’s their job and they won’t mind. x

  2. Ruth Says:

    We don’t have any drug addicts here. Don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing. I’m the only one in here who is high as a kite. The rest of them are all depressed/alcoholics on a come down/melancholy rich people.

    I’m not sure I need to be in here. Everyone today has been telling me I do need to be, and I guess my actions of today haven’t been the sanest of sane (will post later) but I desperately want to be out.

    I know it’s the job of the staff but I feel so sorry for them, especially as I know them all a little too well and I know that I put them through hell earlier this year whilst being depressed and self-harming/absconding/attempting suicide/having to be on one-to-one obs. I just don’t like being annoying again.

    Hope you are OK,


  3. intothesystem Says:

    By addicts I was really referring to anyone on the ATP programme, which could be alcoholics too. They tend to be a pretty roundy bunch after they’ve got over the first few days of librium!

    As for being annoying. I doubt you were annoying 6 months ago and I doubt you are being now. They’re probably glad of something interesting to do!

  4. Ruth Says:

    We only have one person on the ATP programme in here at the moment and he’s a pretty decent guy, even though he made me run out of the CBT group today in floods of tears, so much so that I couldn’t see straight to walk down the stairs and so ended up somehow at the bottom of them with no recollection of how I got there!

    I do feel as if I am being annoying, more so than 6 months ago so deliberately awkward. I doubt they’re glad of something interesting to do, they quite like having a quiet life.

    My CPA meeting was, let’s just say, interesting. I’ll post about it in a while. Probably after dinner, whereupon I will avoid eating as much as I can, and am already getting glares for not round to the dining room.


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