All Good Things Come To An End: How The High Has Given Way To A Low

I have stopped using the lorazepam to calm me down now and more to keep me safe. My hypomania has gone. The boundless energy has gone. The positive thoughts and hopeful aspirations have disappeared.

Instead I have thoughts of self destruction, suicide, self harm, running away, bad thoughts that I don’t want. So I am blocking them out with lorazepam. It calms me down, numbs my brain, stops the voices in my head telling me how shit and useless I am. It makes me chilled and slightly stoned.

Combined with zopiclone at night it makes me sleep and decreases the nightmares and terrors. I still have flashbacks and I still dissociate but it takes the edge of it.

Trouble is I can’t survive on lorazepam for the rest of my life.

Ruth

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4 Responses to “All Good Things Come To An End: How The High Has Given Way To A Low”

  1. intothesystem Says:

    Bleugh. I am sorry to hear you have come back down, although I am glad the benzo is at least providing some relief. I really hope you can get back on the lithium and more stable soon.

    xx

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