The sun has been out in London Town today which has been an excellent excuse to sit in it and drink copious amounts of Pimm’s. The boyfriend called me a sloney for this, and I had to admit that I don’t live in South Kensington and was currently clad in white linen trousers for no reason. I hasten to add that I wasn’t drinking alone. I was at my friend’s nice new flat and sharing her excitement. I got slightly tipsy, realised I was and so moved onto Diet Coke. Sometimes my willpower with certain small things amazes me, I mean if I had got drunk at her house it wouldn’t have mattered, I could have possibly gone on to join the party on the Circle Line. It would have been simple considering I live on the Circle Line.
My willpower only stretches so far though when I had a realisation last night that I am still a drug addict. My Mum had rather unsuccessfully hidden the Oramorph which I was prescribed from A&E on Thursday night, and only supposed to take 10ml of on an as needed basis. I found it last night, I wasn’t particularly looking for it but when I found it I realised that a nice bit of morphine induced fuzziness was just what I needed and so took a big gulp of it. Maximum doses and recommended daily allowances didn’t come into it. I don’t know how much I took but I know that by the time I spoke with the boyfriend at 11pm my speech was very slurred, I was nearly falling asleep and my head felt like cotton wool.
He told me I needed help, particularly after I told him my little nugget of wisdom which surmised that I didn’t mind having cancer and could cope with having cancer if it meant I got supplies of morphine. Weird thinking again. I have decided I am going to speak with C (psych) next week about this dependency/tolerance/addiction; call it what you will. After all, I can’t go through chemo and cancer surgery and the subsequent pain relief knowing that I won’t be able to trust myself to only take the recommended daily dose, or to take them for the purpose they were prescribed. I don’t know what I expect her to do, in fact I would quite like her to just nod her head and give me some patronising comment and then just forget I ever said it.
Don’t think narcotic addiction works like that somehow!?!
Ruth
Fighting The Urge 
Blogroll Update
April 17, 2008 — RuthI was going to write a post today about my drug (mis)use, but it needs careful planning so expect it later on either today or tomorrow.
However, I have updated the blogroll at the side of the blog to accommodate some newcomers to this blog, particularly those who have posted comments as it seems only fair.
Ruth
Edit: Whilst waiting for my own post on the subject may I suggest that you check out this post on Experimental Chimp’s blog which makes perfect sense and sums up my opinions perfectly.