I have been in A&E since writing the last post, which saw me staving off a self-harm attempt by being sensible and seeking help and advice. I had sutures for all times.
The last time, yesterday, I tried so hard to speak to someone, anyone before I cut myself.
At 10.30am I turned up at A&E to speak with the DSH team but no one was answering the phone. The receptionist called the crisis team who said it would be 4 hours before they could see me.
At 11am I rang Allison who was out but her secretary promised me that she’d ring me back.
At 11.15 I rang the Priory to discover my therapist was busy all morning and the assistant psychologist wasn’t in yesterday.
At 11.30 I rang the crisis team who wouldn’t speak with me as I wasn’t on their caseload and suggested I went to A&E or rang my CPN back.
At 11.45 I rang Allison again, who was still out.
At 12pm I took a diazepam and slept until 1.30pm.
At 2pm I cut myself and ended up in A&E with the same receptionist booking me in.
I ended up in minor injuries and got discharged with no psych assessment.
Allison finally rang me back as I left A&E. I told her what had happened and she said I had tried all the right things.
Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.
Ruth
Fighting The Urge 
April 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm
You tried to seek help in every way possible it wasn’t there, it’s not your fault but at the same time it can’t be the fault of the NHS or The Priory to provide someone on demand to attend to your needs. Sorry if it sounds harsh but perhaps you need to think of something to try and distract yourself from the self harm thoughts until they pass. They do eventually it’s just learning to resist the urge to make the first cut.
April 4, 2009 at 6:11 pm
I’m sure you find that really discouraging when you do what you’re supposed to do and no-one is there, but hopefully if it ever happens again (and I really hope it doesn’t) people will be where they’re supposed to be! This is a huge problem with the NHS, big cracks in the system. Don’t let it discourage you.
April 4, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I’m with Alison on this one, really.
April 10, 2009 at 2:41 am
God- that’s awful…I hope it doesn’t happen again!
April 13, 2009 at 5:53 am
It’s hard, when you do what you’re supposed to, and it fails to work. I remember one time in highschool, I went to talk to my guidance counselor (who saved me–though this story isn’t evidence of that) and he didn’t have time to talk, so i went home, desperate, and ran around the house, tried as hard as I could, and still ended up self-harming. You can only do what you can do with the tools and help that you have access to, at any given point in time.
Perhaps the next time you have the urge, you’ll be able to hold out on it longer—I know how hard it can be, and know that sometimes, 15 minutes is a long time, but over time, hours, days, months, even years, become shorter amounts of time.
Good luck!
April 15, 2009 at 1:07 pm
You alright out there, Ruth?